Anyway, as I was scrubbing away, I was smiling to myself thinking of all those hot summer Saturdays my brother and I went out with my dad to wash the car. We washed it every Saturday so that it was it nice and clean to drive to church the next morning. We would wash the car a little and then, of course, we had to have a water fight. When all was said and done, though, we would stand back and look with pride on our sparkly clean, buffed and polished car.

 

Then I thought about all the children who are never given the opportunity to do something as simple and memorable as hand washing a car. I don't think we realize how often we rob our children of the chance to work and to learn what it feels like to experience a job well done. The only true way to learn responsibility, respect (for ourselves and others), self confidence and integrity is through good old fashioned hard work.

 

We were led to believe that we as parents should work hard in order to give our children everything that we didn't have. But we became so busy working at giving what we didn't have that we forgot how important it was to give them what we did have - a good work ethic, common sense, responsibility and integrity.

I remember the first time my dad taught my son how to change a tire. It was hard work for a 10 year old. He even struggled with it, but by the time he was done he was grinning from ear to ear. His little chest was puffed up and he had a strut when he walked. In that one small job he had been given a sense of pride in a job well done, a life skill and the ability to deal with an emergency if necessary.

Compare that to the young man who was given an AAA card and a cell phone instead. He gets a flat tire late at night on a deserted road and his cell phone is dead. What does he do? Usually kicks the tire and gets very angry, frustrated and maybe even a little frightened. If he is on a date, he'll probably become embarrassed and have his ego very deflated because of his lack of ability to deal with the situation.

 

He had been given things that money can buy but was deprived of the life skills that could help him in sometimes serious situations. A man's ego is pretty much tied up with whether or not he can provide and support his family. If he has not been given the skills or taught how to work on small jobs he most likely will not have the ability to do big jobs and could end up with very poor self esteem and feel like a failure all of his life.

 

Just to cover my bases and save someone from wasting time e-mailing me about it, I don't think there is anything wrong with having AAA or a cell phone. I have used AAA for many years and it has saved me many times. The whole point is to teach kids life skills for those times when they don't have or can't use the other things. It's like the fish story I love so much. Give a man (or child) a fish and you feed him for a day, but teach him how to fish and you feed him for life.

 

We think we are doing the right thing by working long hard hours to provide lots of money so our children can spend hours shopping at the mall, getting all the latest videos games, new cars when they turn 16 and great college educations, none of which they have to lift a finger to receive. There is nothing wrong with any one of those things in moderation but we are not being fair to our children if we treat them like little princes and princesses, carrying them around on pillows all day, giving them anything and everything they want, without requiring anything from them. Even a prince or princess should be to be taught responsibility and character.

 

You don't need to be Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura to figure out that there are a couple of generations now who have a real problem with self esteem, respect, responsibility and character. Many of us read every book and watch every TV show trying to find the best way to solve the problem, when the reality of it is that if we would stop handing them everything they want all of the time without any effort on their part, a lot of these problems would go away. In other words, make them work for something.

 

Before some of you parents start crying "But I can't do that to my poor babies," consider this: How do you feel about teaching them poor self esteem, no respect for themselves or others, irresponsibility (not doing their homework, getting into drugs, drinking, driving while drunk) and lack of character (lying, not being trustworthy, not being dependable). Children need someone stronger than them who can show them the right way to go, even if it's difficult and at times, even painful. Stop being a wimp and depriving your children of a strong parent.

How do you feel when you have worked hard at something, completed it, and done a great job? Don't you feel good? Doesn't it build your self confidence and make you feel good about yourself? How do you feel when you have done the job for someone you regard highly and that person praises you and/or pays you for a job well done?

 

Don't you realize as a parent that you are depriving your child of that same good self confident feeling you felt if you don't allow him or her to work? When you do everything for them, you are also depriving them of praise for a job well done and the well deserved reward that goes with it.

I'm not talking about slave labor although if you had talked to my children at about age 11 or 12 they would have sworn that making their beds and taking out the trash was pretty close to that. But at age 30 something, they are good workers; responsible and strong adults. There is nothing wrong with age appropriate chores and jobs.

 

Older kids especially need to start working. Is it so surprising that so many teens get into trouble and do stupid things? What else do they have to do? My husband's grandfather once said it perfectly. "I was so bone weary and tired from working at the end of the day that I didn't have the time or the strength to get into trouble."

 

Another reason we should not deprive our children of the chance to work is because everybody needs to be needed. When someone needs them it makes them feel important. It gives them the sense that they are worth something and that the world is a better place with them in it. Having regular responsibilities and making and adhering to goals like saving for college gives them the feeling that they are contributing to the family. It makes them feel genuinely important. Don't deprive them of that importance.

 

Some people may ask, "What does all this have to do with saving money?" Well, here are just a few ways that you will save:

. You will cut down on your expenses greatly if you're not giving your children every little thing they want or you think they need._

. If they are working they will have less time to hang out at malls or video arcades spending your money._

. If they get jobs and help pay for their college educations... well, that is pretty obvious._

. They will have money to pay for some of the things they want so badly so you don't have to pay for them._

. They will be motivated to learn to develop better spending habits. It is much easier to spend someone else's money than your own._

 

How else might this improve your life?

 

. Maybe you won't have to work two jobs anymore._

. One parent might even be able to stay at home now or cut down to part time and organize things at home so they run more smoothly._

. Less pressure for you to pay for your kids' spending habits means you will have more time to spend with your kids teaching them life skills._

. Most of all you will be creating responsible, independent, hard working adults which should be one of your main goals as a parent and is worth more than all the money in the world._

You won't find yourself supporting a grown child who can't figure out how to do it without you.